Wardrobe Malfunction

Even from the worst possible situations it is possible to salvage something good out of it.

It is nice to know I don't have a Gender Identity disorder - I think it is really tough to be a Andrew when everything you feel is Andrea. So phew!! at least that is not in the cup that I have to drink. I have some qualities that could be regarded as feminine... but oh well that's all there is to it.

It is nice to know I have a personality disorder - that way I can really work hard at reducing the negative effects of narcissistic personality disorder... just keep trying to live for God and others.

It is also nice that during the whole period when I was "lost" I found out I enjoyed cutting out cloth patterns - and of course wearing the resulting clothing. I think my motive with the whole NPD thing going on was to look different, be special, unique and outrageous. But now I have reduced this to the basics - I am just another guy cutting out cloths (read design if you wish - but I use templates).

Anyway many times I get a lot of errors and I wind up wearing a "wardrobe malfunction". Woe unto me if I make more than one piece at one go. So this time I made my first attempt at a top. Having learned from previous errors with my pants this time I was more cautious. So instead of taking my cut-out to my tailor to stitch into a cloth I first used recycled cloth and staples instead of stitching to see the end result.

This time I wound up with a pretty feminine looking top - I am looking for a unisex, androgynous kind. So I can't take this to the tailor. But all in all twas fun and I will back to the drawing board to make something with a masculine balance.

So here is the result

NB: I hadn't put the sleeves tis supposed to have some.

Hanging up my Tight Pants

So here is another thing coming to an end.

2013 is a tumultuous year. A few minutes ago I discovered I may have a Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I don't know how I got here.

Anyway this isn't about my personality disorder - tis about me "hanging up my pants". By this I mean today I took all the tight pants I had designed and created for myself and donated them at church. Just to keep musing I have no idea if the beneficiary will be female or male... they were pretty much confusing - the measurements were done on my masculine body but the design was feminine.

In my vanity (probably cos of NPD) I think of myself as a designer... so in the last six years haven't bought trousers from a shop instead I would buy material, figure out a look and execute it. So NPD or not tis something I now enjoy. All I am going to do now is make stuff with the right motives. Earlier I made pants to suit my "special, different, better than other men, feminine sensitive man" status. Now I realize the ordinary normal hardworking and "faulty and weak" man who I didn't want to be is much better than I could ever be. The ordinary man has a reality and I have lived in my mind in a delusion.

Besides that I am also ditching the tight pants because they made my girlfriend feel her femininity was threatened... at the time in my world full of myself I didn't see her pain.

That gives you an idea of my androgynous success and the extremes of my twisted personality.

Hopefully my new pants will save the general public the trouble of speculating about my sexuality and save me the trouble of explaining complicated issues of gender identity. I have to admit though the tights were great. They moved with my body and there was something really sexy and outrageous about them.

But just to archive them instead of putting them in a box where I can reach them (I admit to keeping the white one) I took a bunch of photos Sat night and I will upload them to end the Era of the Tights and to usher in a new "anonymous plain look" pants.

Feel free to make bad comments it will help kill my blown up ego.

Bad Hair Day - 2012

One of the things I won't forget 2012 for was what I am now calling "My Bad Hair Day"

The truth is it was a couple of months between August and October - I straightened my hair ...that didn't work so I blew out my hair ...that didn't work so I had it relaxed.

Net effect of all the three was "My Bad Hair Day"

It is very interesting what a change of image can do. In that short span of time I got used to being stared at in the street and having people whisper behind my back at school or at work.

Of course the discussion would be "Look at that guy..." "is that a man or a woman" "Is that a gay man?" ...somehow gay stereotypes on TV and movies make feminine leanings in men be mistaken for gay.

Kenya being what it is in terms of tolerance and homophobia being gay or "gay look alike" is not anything any man straight, gay or one who is totally not having sex would like to be mistaken or identified with it could cost your life.
Besides mine was an identity thing not a sexuality thing ...but try explaining the difference between physical gender, gender identity and sexuality to an irate mob.

My very androgynous sense of fashion didn't help matters.

Actually when my hair behaved properly (there were days when it got a life of its own and was all over my head and found its way to the wind). On the days when it behaved and stayed in place I had a couple of funny incidents ...I went shopping for a USB drive and the guard at this supermarket says to me "Sister, you can leave your bag here" (of course in Kiswahili) - I promptly inform him I don't want to leave the bag it has valuables and then manage to keep a straight face with the confusion in his eyes when he hears a deep voice.

Of course over the months these type of incidents were common - I'd buy stuff and the Indian proprietor would go "Thank you Madam!" ...I sort of got used to it and was never offended when anyone mistook me for whatever - after all it was my fault ...I had blurred the gender lines.

So now I am back to a normal hairstyle - main reason being I am not single anymore and while I can stand stares, be amused at gossip and risk mistaken identity while on my own ...it would be too much to ask of someone who loves you to endure any of the three...(it would actually be selfish and someone said love isn't selfish)

So hairstyle 2013??? Once I am done paying debts and saving - hit me with your suggestions.

I don't like dreadlocks, I can't do popcorn or braids, straightening and blow out is out of the question and extreme dyes can cost me my job (or should I say to hell with employment)

Funny thing - during the three months I did not think of taking pics of myself and so the clips down here are salvaged from some music practice videos (hence they are not my best appearance) but oh well twas a bad hair day, what do you expect.